Monday, 9 February 2015

i know what you're thinking.  it's not thanksgiving and i'm british, so a double no-no.  but in spite of these two glaring facts, i wanted to give thanks anyway and i don't think it needs to be november and i don't think i have to be american to do so.  be warned: this may get emotional.

for a while now, i've been basically bumming myself out by reading stories of children - babies really - who are fighting so courageously against cancer, and also of other children and babies who are just ripped from this world in sudden and tragic ways.  and it's a flood gates sort of a thing: now that it's open, i just cannot seem to get it out of my mind.  everything is very close to the surface these days.

one thing that these horrific stories has taught me is to be a better mummy.  to care less about what others think and worrying about problems that may or may not occur due to my current parenting decisions.  instead, i am enjoying my baby and every day i spend with him.  i smile and watch him as he takes every last book and dvd off the shelf, as he picks up his pear and with such purpose, moves his hand beyond the edge of the table and then lets the pear go.  little bugger.  i smirk at the mess in the living room at the end of the day and the food on the floor around his high chair.  i am so thankful for every day and i do not let any of it go by unappreciated.  and i feel so lucky and so thankful for this mentality and the ability to look at my life and my mess in this way.  it feels so freeing and so calming.  and it makes me happy.

the other thing it has taught me is to always be grateful for everything.  i have always been someone who pondered the fragility of life and the unfairness and randomness of it all.  so, i have always tried to stop and smell the flowers and not to sweat the small stuff.  i still get caught up, like everyone, in silly things like queues at the bank, the piles of dirty dishes, getting caught behind the slow driver, but ultimately, does any of that really matter?  i remember when i first started reading about these people, i was so bummed out at existence in general and i looked around at my possessions and thought, "what's it for? what's the point in any of this stuff?" because i would trade all of it in in a heartbeat just to make sure that my small precious world stays unharmed.

anyway, back to the point.  so, i would like to give thanks for my life, as humble and small and insignificant as it is, it is my life and i love it.  i am thankful for my health and the health of those i love.  i am thankful for my home with its crumbling facade and cobwebby corners.  i am thankful for the love i am given and entrusted with, from my beautiful boy and my wonderful husband.  

i am thankful for all of it.  every annoying, messy, imperfect, little atom of it. 

these are just a few photos are from when cole was littler and i probably wouldn't have classed them as "blog grade", but to celebrate my imperfect life, here are some honest photos of it.

he was so tiny here. 
i marvel every time he puts his hands on me, and the significance of that touch. 
such love and trust.

my world. in hats.  poor boy had some impetigo on his face.

i love family nap times.

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