zzz.

Monday, 18 April 2016

so far, i can count the number of nights that cole has slept through the night on one hand. at the ripe age of two, he is still waking up in the night.  every night.  sometimes he has a good night, which means he has one big cry and then flops back down to sleep until the morning.  other times, he has very, very bad nights where he basically doesn't settle back down for hours, dragging us along with him for the ride.  we have tried all sorts to attempt to improve this, but to no avail.

but, you know, it's ok.  it wasn't before, but we've come to accept that he just isn't a sleeper.  one day he will be, but until then, we just have to ride it out.  it's a lot easier when you just admit defeat.

but my god, do i miss sleep.  before he came along, i used to get so panicked at the thought of less than a solid 8 hours sleep.  and one of my favouritest feelings in the world was to feel tired and to succumb to it and just let it wash over me and take me off to zzz land.  these days, the drifting off experience is accompanied by the feeling of apprehension and wariness: how long will i get before he wakes me up, is he warm enough, what do i need to do tomorrow, is there even any point, why don't i get up and do some ironing?

sometimes i find it absolutely incredible that i want to do this another one or two times, but as i say to nick, what if the next one also doesn't sleep?  what if that's it and we just aren't ever going to sleep ever again?  i think that might actually kill me.  like, completely finish me off. 

to remind me that he does actually sleep, and that there is evidence of it, here is a little gallery of the little bugger sleeping, obviously while i'm wide awake and totally besotted by his little face to even remember just how much i miss the golden days of sleep.







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